Non-custodial mothers often face a lot of judgment — society tends to assume the worst about a mother who doesn’t have primary custody. That judgment can hurt your children’s self-esteem if they hear it from the adults around them.
Staying positive about your children’s mother, even when it’s hard, protects your kids: belittling her teaches a child that part of who they are is bad, and can push kids to resent the parent doing the belittling. If she’s truly not a good influence, your children will figure that out on their own over time.
Keeping a non-custodial mother involved — even in small ways — generally helps children adjust and gives you support with things like child care, school activities, and time off. If the relationship is hostile, start small: a friendly update about the kids, a thank-you, a shared note about something good that happened. It gets easier.