by Phyllis Schlafly, Attorney at Law and Author

One impressive vote last November second has been overlooked by the media. By 85 to 15 percent, a ballot initiative in Massachusetts approved equal legal and physical custody of children whose parents are divorced.

That ballot initiative is nonbinding, but it certainly is indicative of the will of the people and the growing recognition that children are best off under the care of both parents. The initiative came out of the grassroots with a massive signature-gathering effort during the summer.

The proposition appeared on the ballot as follows: "Shall the State Representative from this district be instructed to vote in favor of legislation requiring that in all separation and divorce proceedings involving minor children, the courts shall uphold the fundamental rights of both parents to the shared physical and legal custody of their children and the children's right to maximize their time with each parent, so far as is practical, unless one parent is found unfit or the parents agree otherwise, subject to the requirements of existing child support and abuse prevention laws?"

This initiative was sponsored by a fathers' rights group whose members believe that fathers are systematically discriminated against by family courts which nearly always award physical custody to the mother even when the father has committed no fault. Family courts typically deny faultless fathers their equal parental rights even when state law appears to require equal custody.

California Family Law, for example, states (Sec. 3010(a)): "The mother . . . and the father . . . are equally entitled to the custody of the child." The only specific examples the statute gives for denying custody to a parent are child abuse, false accusations of child abuse, abuse of someone else with whom the person has a domestic relationship, substance abuse, and conviction of certain felonies.

State laws about custody rights vary, and only about a dozen states specify a legal presumption in favor of equal custody. Iowa's new law says that if a court denies a request for joint physical custody, the judge must explain why it's not in the best interest of the child.

Whether or not a state law mandates equal rights to both parents, family courts appear instead to rely on a concept called "the best interest of the child." Since that notion is wholly subjective, an undefinable rule with no standards or accountability, in practice it rests on the personal whim or bias of the family court.

Family court judges find unwelcome the task of rendering a judicial decision detached from the law and from any due-process finding of fault, so they call on a court-appointed psychologist to provide his opinion of who should have custody. But the issue before the court is not psychological (except in rare cases of mental illness), and the psychologist's credentials no more qualify him to determine what is "the best interest of the child" than the judge -- or the father or mother.

The social ills that are caused by the lack of a father role-model and discipline-dispenser in the home have been voluminously reported. We've been led to believe that the plight of fatherless children is caused by husbands walking out on their wives, fathers abandoning their children, and deadbeat dads.

That may be a primary cause in the matriarchal welfare system, but no evidence supports a claim that large numbers of non-welfare fathers are voluntarily abandoning their children. Thousands, perhaps millions, of middle-class children are growing up fatherless because the family courts have deprived them of their fathers.

One of the best-kept secrets in American society today is that two-thirds of divorces are now sought by wives, not husbands. The feminist movement has taught wives that they can seek "liberation" by walking out on the marriage contract and marital duties and still reap the benefits of marriage, i.e., their children and his money.

Some 80 percent of divorces are involuntary, over the objections of one spouse. Very few of these divorces involve grounds such as desertion, adultery, or abuse.

We urgently need a comprehensive study of how many family court decisions deprive fathers of their parental rights, and deprive children of their fathers, when that awesome punishment is not based on any finding of fault. Information is difficult to gather because most of what family courts do is not available to public scrutiny.

How many children are separated by judicial fiat from involuntarily divorced fathers who have done nothing wrong? How many children are separated from their fathers because of questionable child abuse accusations without any evidentiary hearing or due process of law?

Fathers are starting to fight back. During 2004, federal class action suits were filed against 46 states on behalf of an estimated 25 million non-custodial parents, primarily fathers, claiming violation of their right to equal custody of their children.

The gay-rights lobby has a national strategy based on federal "equal protection" to get their day in court to demand marriage licenses. What we really need are laws ensuring that children of broken homes have equal access to their fathers and mothers.

Dr. Warren Farrell is available for expert testimony to help fathers stay equally involved in their children's lives after divorce.

CLICK HERE to contact Dr. Warren Farrell for information

Dr. Warren Farrell is the author of many books, including two award-winning international best-sellers, Why Men Are The Way They Are plus The Myth of Male Power. His most recent books are Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say, which was a selection of the Book-of-the-Month Club, and Father and Child Reunion about how fathers can be successful at both work and home. His latest book, just published this year, Why Men Earn More: The Startling Truth Behind the Pay Gap and What Women Can Do About It, helps both employers and employees understand what makes a compnay want to increase an employee's pay. His books are published in over 50 countries, and in 10 languages.

• www.WarrenFarrell.net (Why Men Earn More)
• www.WarrenFarrell.biz (Father and Child Reunion)
• www.WarrenFarrell.org (The Myth of Male Power)
• www.WarrenFarrell.info (Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say)
• www.WarrenFarrell.us (Why Men Are The Way They Are)
• www.WarrenFarrell.ws (The Liberated Man)

The Mother Says I Am The Father & We Were Never Married

If you do not think that you are the biological father and you have not signed an Acknowledgment of Paternity, a suit will be brought against you to establish that you are the father. The mother, child, or government can sue to establish whether you are the biological father.

In Texas, if you do not appear for a paternity hearing, the court can issue a warrant for your arrest. In addition, if you refuse to go to court after being summoned for a paternity hearing, the court can declare you to be the father of the child. This order is called a default order and may include an order to pay child support. Both the Dallas and Houston offices of Father's For Equal Rights offer court admissible DNA testing

From the Texas Q and A Handbook for Non-Custodial Parents, Office of John Cornyn, Texas Attorney General

What Does Paternity Mean?

Both legally and biologically, the word paternity means the identity of the father of a child. Except in rare circumstances, when a woman gives birth to a child, she is considered to be the legal mother of that child. Every child also has a biological father. But if you were never married to the mother of your child, Texas does not give you any rights or responsibilities as the child's father unless legal paternity is established.

A man is presumed to be the legal father of a child if he was married to the mother at the time of the birth of the child. Unless paternity is established, a child born to an unwed mother has no legal father.

How Can The Paternity Of A Child Be Established?

In Texas there are two primary ways to establish paternity for a child. Both parents can sign a legal document to establish the paternity of the child. This document is called an Acknowledgment of Paternity. The second way to establish paternity is through a court proceeding.

The decision to voluntarily acknowledge paternity should not be taken lightly because it is an important one for both you and your child. If you are absolutely sure that you are the father of the child, and the mother agrees, you should both voluntarily acknowledge paternity. If you and the mother are unable to reach an agreement about visitation with the child or other rights such as the right to see your child's school or medical records, you will have to go to court.

If a mother or the State claims that you are the father of a child, you may want to take a genetic test to make sure you are the biological father. A genetic test is the best way to be absolutely sure that you are the biological father of the child. Since the 1980s, very accurate genetic tests have been developed. If you are not sure that you are the father, you should insist on a genetic test to determine whether you are the father of the child. If the test shows you are the father, the court will likely order you to repay the cost of the test.

How Can I Be Listed As The Father On My Baby?S Birth Certificate?

Under Texas law, if you were married to the mother of the child when the child was born, your name will automatically appear on the baby's birth certificate as the father of the child. If you were not married to the mother of the child, there are two ways to have your name added to the birth certificate:

1. By voluntarily signing an Acknowledgment of Paternity form; or
2. By a court order.

What If The Mother And I Want To Establish Paternity As Soon As The Baby Is Born?

In Texas, if the mother of the child is not married, paternity can be established in the hospital at the time the baby is born by both of you signing an Acknowledgment of Paternity (AOP) form. The AOP may also be signed before the child is born. If both parents have signed an AOP, no court proceeding on the issue of paternity is needed, and you can be held responsible for child support.

You will also have the right to seek a court order for visitation or custody. The decision to voluntarily acknowledge paternity should not be taken lightly because it is an important one for both you and your child. If you are absolutely sure that you are the father of the child, and the mother agrees, you should both voluntarily acknowledge paternity.

If I Do Not Establish Paternity In The Hospital, Can The Mother And I Do It Later Without Going To Court?

Yes. You and your child?s mother can sign an acknowledgment of Paternity form at a later date. It must include the signatures of both you and the mother. If you sign the form after the hospital has already mailed the birth certificate, you will be charged a fee for changing the birth certificate to include your name as the father of the child. A completed Acknowledgment of Paternity form should be sent to the Bureau of Vital Statistics, 1100 W. 49th Street, Austin, TX, 78756-3191. The Bureau of Vital Statistics will not charge a fee to file this form. After both parents have signed an AOP, no court proceeding on the issue of paternity is needed, and you can be held responsible for child support. You will also have the right to seek a court order for visitation or custody. The decision to voluntarily acknowledge paternity should not be taken lightly because it is an important one for both you and your child. If you are absolutely sure that you are the father of the child, and the mother agrees, you should both voluntarily acknowledge paternity.

I Am Under 18. If I Sign An Acknowledgement Of Paternity Form, Will That Make Me The Legal Father Of The Child?

Yes. Under the Texas voluntary acknowledgment laws, there is no difference in how the government treats an adult or minor who signs an Acknowledgment of Paternity.

I Was Never Married To The Mother Of My Child, And I Am An Undocumented Immigrant. I Want To Be Declared The Legal Father Of My Child. What Should I Do?

Your status as an undocumented immigrant does not mean that you cannot be declared the legal father of a child born in this country. To be declared the legal father of your child, you and the mother of the child can sign an AOP form. If you sign the form after your child is born and the hospital has already mailed the birth certificate, you will be charged a fee to change the birth certificate to include your name as the father. A completed Acknowledgment of Paternity should be sent to the Bureau of Vital Statistics, 1100 W. 49th Street, Austin, TX, 78756-3191. The Bureau of Vital Statistics will not charge a fee to file this form.

What If, After Signing The Acknowledgment Of Paternity, I Have Reason To Believe I Am Not The Father?

If you sign an Acknowledgment of Paternity and you later decide you may not be the father, there are ways for you to withdraw your signing of the form. However, this is most easily done within 60 days of signing. After 60 days pass, the requirements for withdrawing your name are more difficult to meet. If, within 60 days after the form is filed with the Bureau of Vital Statistics, one of you decides that you want to withdraw this acknowledgment, you have two options. The first option is to file a legal document known as a Petition to Rescind. You may only file a Petition to Rescind if you have not been part of a court case concerning the child. If both you and the mother agree that you are not the father, after you file the Petition to Rescind, the court will declare that you are not the father. If the baby's mother receives welfare benefits, the State must also agree that you are not the father. If there is not agreement as to whether you are the father, the court will hold a hearing to determine whether you are the father. There is also a second option. If you are ummoned for a court proceeding about that child within 60 days of signing the Acknowledgment of Paternity, you may ask the court to cancel the AOP. The court will then decide whether to grant your request.

What If 60 Days Have Passed Since The Mother And I Signed The Voluntary Acknowledgment Of Paternity And I Realize That I May Not Be The Biological Father Of The Child?

If after the 60-day period expires, you no longer believe that you are the child's father, you will have to go to court and file a lawsuit to contest the voluntary Acknowledgment of Paternity. To contest a voluntary acknowledgment, you must prove that the document was signed under conditions of fraud (someone lied in signing the document), duress (you were forced to sign), or mistake of fact (you thought one thing and another thing is true). Contesting an AOP will likely require the assistance of an attorney. Additionally, you must file a lawsuit to contest the AOP within four years of the form?s filing.

From the Texas Q and A Handbook for Non-Custodial Parents, Office of John Cornyn, Texas Attorney General

And She Says It's Not My Baby

If you are not married to the mother of your child and paternity has not been established, you can file a petition with the court that you be declared the child(s) legal father. If you can afford one, you have the right to be represented by an attorney at any stage of a paternity trial. If the mother can afford one, the mother also has the right to be represented by an attorney at any stage of a paternity trial. You should begin by requesting a paternity test for the mother, the child, and yourself. If you request the tests, the court will order each of you to take one. If a court orders or the parties agree to paternity tests, the results of these tests will be a part of the paternity trial. If the court determines you are the legal father of the child, you will be responsible for child support. You will also have the right to request custody or visitation orders from the court. If you wish to spend time with your child, it is important that you make this request.

From the Texas Q and A Handbook for Non-Custodial Parents, Office of John Cornyn, Texas Attorney General

Shouldn't men have a choice, too?

Thanks to SHOULDN'T MEN HAVE A CHOICE

Jennifer was crushed when she was told that a baby was on the way. She wants to have children, but the right way--after she has found the right person and is married. But in Jennifer's country, she has no choice. "Jenn" cannot give the child up for adoption, and she cannot terminate the pregnancy. It is her burden to bear, for the next two decades, like it or not.

What country is it which compels a person to have a child they don't want? Afghanistan? Saudi Arabia? No, it's the United States--not for Jenn, but for Ken. Ken Johnson, a 10 year veteran of the Seattle Fire Department, wanted to be a father, but with the right woman, and at the right time. Three years ago he and his wife separated after six years of marriage, and each began to date. During this time, according to court documents filed in Snohomish County, Washington, Ken had a brief affair with "Cathy," which resulted in a pregnancy.

Ken's legal complaint alleges that he begged Cathy to put the child up for adoption or to terminate the pregnancy, but Cathy refused. Now Ken and his wife, who reconciled two and a half years ago, can't start a family of their own because almost half of Ken's net income from the Seattle Fire Department goes to support the child he didn't want to have. He says, "People tell me that Cathy should have the choice whether to keep the child or not because it's her body so it's her choice. I agree. But what about my body? I make my living rushing into burning buildings. I put my life and my safety on the line every time I go to work, and now I'm on the hook for 18 years. With the child support demands on me, there's no way I'll ever be able to quit. What about my choice?"

Johnson is part of a growing movement of men who bristle at being "coerced fathers," and who have enlisted in a "Choice for Men" movement whose goals are every bit as legitimate as the goals of the women's reproductive rights movement. They note that one million American women legally walk away from motherhood every year by either adoption, abortion, or abandonment, and demand that men, like women, be given reproductive options. They point out that, unlike women, men have no reliable contraception available to them, since the failure rate of condoms is substantial, and vasectomies are generally only worthwhile for older men who have already married and had children.

The Choice for Men movement seeks to give "coerced fathers" the right to relinquish their parental rights and responsibilities within a month of learning of a pregnancy, just as mothers do when they choose to give their children up for adoption. These men would be obligated to provide legitimate financial compensation to cover natal medical expenses, the mother's loss of income during pregnancy, etc. The right would only apply to pregencies which occurred outside of marriage.

Some of those who fought for women's reproductive choices agree with choice for men. Karen DeCrow, former president of the National Organization for Women, writes: "If a woman makes a unilateral decision to bring a pregnancy to term, and the biological father does not, and cannot, share in this decision, he should not be liable for 21 years of support ... autonomous women making independent decisions about their lives should not expect men to finance their choice."

To date, courts have refused to consider fathers' reproductive rights even in the most extreme cases, including: when child support is demanded from men who were as young as 12 when they were statutorily raped by older women; when women have taken the semen from a used condom and inserted it in themselves, including from condoms used only in oral sex; and when women concealed the pregnancy from the man (denying him the right to be a father) and then sued for back and current child support eight or ten years later.

"It doesn't make sense to me," Ken's wife Patti says. "The courts force my husband and I to support a child he never agreed to, but make it financially impossible for him to have a child with the woman he loves and married."

Orly Adelson Productions

Orly Adelson Productions, a television and film production company based in Los Angeles is currently looking for true stories of men who have fought to keep their wives or girlfriends from having an abortion.

Jonathan Eskenas, from Orly Adelson says, "I have heard about a few cases in the late 80's where some men were able to gain restraining orders to, temporarily, stop the abortion. We are not looking to make a pro-life or pro-choice film. Rather, we hope to make a thoughtful film that delves into the issues of father's rights. Our ideal person isn't trying to stop the abortion solely because he is morally opposed to it, but rather because he truly wants to have this child."

Orly Adelson Productions has a long history of producing highly rated and critically acclaimed films dealing with personal, emotional true stories, such as this, and always striving to present the material in an honest and dignified manner.

Any one who believes they might have information on this type of material can contact Jonathan Eskenas , by e-mail or by phone at 310/442-2012.

Preserving your credit rating is one of the most important things that you will deal with during and after divorce. Credit ratings are critical, not only to your ability to establish future credit, but to gain future employment. Virtually all employers check on the credit history of any prospective employee even before extending an offer for an interview.

Fathers for Equal Rights urges its members who are entering divorce litigation to obtain a copy of their own credit report, and to determine what debt and payment history is actually reported. Often, our members are surprised to discover that their spouse has quietly obtained numerous credit accounts and accrued thousands of dollars of debt, without his knowledge!

There are many credit reporting agencies in the United States here are a few:

• www.experian.com 888-397-3742
• www.equifax.com 800-685-1111
• www.transunion.com 800-916-8800

You can get a copy of your joint credit report annually for free. Go to https://www.annualcreditreport.com/cra/index.jsp. Over 1,000 local credit bureaus operate across the continent, linked to the computer systems of the big three. By obtaining a copy of your joint credit report from one of these three agencies, you will get a reasonably accurate picture of who your creditors are, how much debt exists, and your payment history as reported by your creditors-exactly the same picture at which new creditors and would be employers look.

If you find debts that you are not aware of, request a copy of the original application with the signature. If it is not your signature, contact your local police department and FBI identity theft units. Also tell the credit bureau that you are disputing those accounts. Do so in writing making sure to keep a copy for your records. In your final order, you will want these accounts listed as the other person?s debt.

WHAT ABOUT THE DIVORCE DECREE?

The State Bar of Texas' standard form for the Final Decree of Divorce contains provisions for the Family Court to distribute the family debts. You will want to review Division of Debts and instruct your attorney to ensure that the Decree of Divorce includes separate paragraphs for "Debts to Petitioner" and "Debts to Respondent", itemizing (by account number) which debts each of you will be responsible for. You will want to make certain that the attorney who writes the Final (or Agreed) Decree of Divorce adds a clause for each you, specifying that each party will be responsible for any charge accounts, debts, liabilities, and obligations incurred by themselves without the other party's knowledge and consent.

It is important to understand, however, that the Decree of Divorce does not relieve you of the responsibly for debts and obligations that were incurred jointly by yourself and your former spouse, even though the court may award some of those debts to your spouse. The distribution of debts in the Decree is more a matter of intent, than an enforceable edict. If your former spouse later defaults on the jointly incurred obligations, the creditors can still require you to be responsible for them. This may also be true for obligations that your spouse incurred as individual accounts, with your knowledge and consent. Hence, the importance of notifying creditors as early as possible that you will not be responsible for individual accounts acquired without your knowledge and consent. It should be readily apparent to the reader that, following a divorce, it is desirable to obtain your own credit report every few months, just to see what is being reported, and to make certain that none of the former spouse's individual obligations are showing-up on your credit report and to ensure that the former spouse is not defaulting on obligations that are legally in both names- thereby putting "dings" in your credit report.

The sooner you can get your name separated from your former souse's, with regard to debt obligations, the less likely that the ex's future credit problems will mar your credit record. If inaccurate information or information pertaining to the other person's individual accounts begins to surface in your report, you can file a written dispute with the credit bureau, requesting that the faulty information be removed. However, nobody can cause accurate negative information to be removed from your report, if it pertains to accounts for which you are liable. So, beware of companies that claim to be able to repair bad credit records (for a fee). At best, they can do only what you can do for yourself, with a little time and effort.

SHOULD I FILE FOR BANKRUPTCY?

Because of the long-lasting and far-reaching effects of bankruptcy, that solution should be considered only as a last resort. Sometimes, getting the debts under control can be easier with little help. There are some services that purport to help with credit but businesses look at them the same as declaring bankruptcy. Primerica Financial Services offers debt elimination and financial analysis for no monetary fee.

There are several locations in the area in the white pages, call the office nearest you.

Radio Shack sells a Multi-Phone Cassette Recorder Controller device for $24.99 (Part Number43-236, Part 24 in their 1996 Catalog). A recording device is also available at Electrotex on Forest Lane, Dallas.

The recording control device is about 2-1/2" square by 1" high.. When installed according to the Instructions that come with it, the device will automatically record your calls on most cassette tape recorders that have REMote and MICrophone jacks.

If you leave the tape-recorder set on 'RECORD', it will automatically begin recording whenever any telephone extension on the line is picked-up; then it stops when the phone is hung-up. The illustration below is an approximation of the installation setup.

Admissibility of Recording in Court

It is legal to tap your own private telephone line and to record your own conversations. You don't have to tell anybody that the line is tapped, or that you are recording. As long as one of the parties to a conversation (yourself) knows the line is tapped, the tape recordings can sometimes be admitted to the court as evidence. If the defendant lies to the court then you may be able to introduce the tapes to impeach their testimony (prove they are lying). Check the wire-tapping statutes for your state, as well as the rules of evidence in your state Rules of Court. (Note: It is illegal to tape party lines or to tape people, other than yourself, who use your private line.) Some judges will admit tapes as evidence only if you have provided a cleanly typed word-for-word transcription of the conversations.

Authentication and Identification

In most instances, you may improve the likelihood of the tapes being admitted as evidence if you authenticate and identify the tape, as follows:

Dial the first digit of the phone number (to remove the dial-tone), and state your name, the date and time, and the full name and phone number of the party you are calling. Then finish dialing the number. As soon as the other party answers, use their name and identify yourself in the conversation ('Hello, Mary this is Joe!'). If the other party has called you, you can state this information at the end of the conversation, as soon as the other party hangs-up the telephone, but before you hang-up.

The following is from DADS Against Discrimination, and doesn't necessarily reflect the opinions of FER. Comments should be forwarded to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

For the Family Formulation and Stabilization Act we recognize that Families are a fundamental building block of a nation, and further recognize that Government enact laws having a direct impact on our Families. Therefore, Congress should enact the Fathers Bill of Rights to Stabilize our Families.

1. The word "Father" to be made part of the preferred definition in the word "family" as used in federal government funded programs. If you should read any federal definition of "family," you will notice that "Fathers" are not included in the definition. The problem of leaving out "Fathers" in the definition of "family," gives government workers the option to exclude and DISCRIMINATE AGAINST "DADS" by denying "Equal Treatment under the Law," while "Fathers" are denied billions of dollars in federally funded "family" programs.
2. A uniform "Paternity Law" where DNA information is included as part of the birth certificate and; (a) Courts would be disallowed to ORDER a DEFAULT for "PATERNITY" against a boy who is a minor without the presents of an adult or an attorney representing him; (b) The Child Support Enforcement Department will NOT accept an AFFIDAVIT for PATERNITY from a boy who is a minor, without the presents of an adult or an attorney representing him; (c) That divorces which included child custody and child support would have to include a showing that the Father had an opportunity to verify paternity with DNA evidence.
3. Not having these rights allows the courts to DISCRIMINATE AGAINST DADS by misusing simple phrases and correct logic such as "presumed Father" of the children because he is married to the mother, and not following court rules of evidence for DNA proof.
4. Obligor/Fathers who are court ORDERED to pay child support should have those court ORDERS automatically suspended (by State Statute) when the obligor/father is in jail or prison or in the hospital or becomes unemployed for more then 60 days. In the case of unemployment for more than 60 day, the obligor/father will become part of a special "AFFIRMATIVE ACTION" employment seeking group for employers to use as hiring resources.
5. Obligor/Fathers who are Court Ordered to pay Child Support should be EXEMPT from the Child Support Order, or have the Child Support Order suspended when (a) child for support is being paid runs away from home; (b) obligor/fathers income is at or below the "Federal Poverty Level".
6. To prevent Waste, Fraud and Abuse within the Child Support Enforcement System (a) it will be a Felony for an obligee, or member of the Child Support Enforcement Staff to leave the name of an obligor who is dead, on the rolls support enforcement for collection purposes; (b) All administrative support cases must be reviewed by a Judge at a Court Hearings Process with Court notification to the proposed obligor; (c) All Domestic Relations Courts will publish, on or near the Court room door it's 2 year record of child custody awards of mothers vs. fathers in an attempt to show fairness between the genders.
7. Child Support should be considered a "Tax" under all State and Federal Tax Codes, because it is created by the State and levied against obligor/fathers according to his income and the numbers of children that he has. Furthermore, the moneys obtained by this system are directly used to fund welfare programs which exclude Fathers through no funding of Fathers Programs and DISCRIMINATION AGAINST DADS.
8. Obligor/Fathers who are required to pay Child Support for an adult child, (over age 18 and attending school) should have a Federal Income Tax credit for the Child Support money being paid and a benefit requiring the adult child to contribute 1% of his or her income, after graduation, to obligor/father's Individual Retirement Account, (IRA).
9. The Child Support Enforcement Department and/or the Judicial system shall have ten, (10) years STATUTE of LIMITATIONS to initiate and/or collect child support. Additionally, Social Security checks should be protected by law from Child Support garnishment. The Child Support Enforcement Office(s) are to be annually audited and Fathers Day will be a yearly opportunity for the Child Support Enforcement Office(s) to return checks to obligors for child support payroll deductions which were made but not delivered for the purpose intended, perhaps because the obligee moved without a forwarding address.
10. The State Office of Child Support Enforcement shall provide one semester of high school class for boys to inform and educate them as to the purpose and function of the Child Support Enforcement. The boys should learn this at about the tenth grade level so they can see their parent's tax dollars at work.

If you, as a non-custodial parent, have trouble seeing the school records of your child(ren), the school may be in violation of Federal and State law. If it is a public school, or the school accepts federal funds, or is classified as a 501-3 non-profit school and neither of the following two things have occurred:

1. Your legal status as a parent has not been terminated by a court order.
2. Your divorce decree denies such access to those records.

The school must, by law allow you (as a Parent) access to your child(ren) school records. Most Texas court orders specifically state your right to the school's information regarding your child.

If your school principal denies you access to school records, inform him/her of Public Law-PL 93-380. PL 93-380 (known as Family Education Rights and Privacy Act of 1974, 88 Stat. 571 (1974): 20 USCA 1232g, and the implementing regulations thereto, read into the Federal Register on June 171976 found on page 24672 B, Section 99.11) which GUARANTEES your right to view school records in their entirety. Also, the 1983 Texas Legislative Section amended Section 153.073, effective September 1,1983.,requiring schools to allow non-custodial parents access to school records (medical and dental records are also included).

Section 153.073. Rights of Parent at all times. 'A parent appointed as a conservator of a child has at all times the right: of access to medical, dental, psychological, and educational records of the child.'

If the principal still refuses access, contact the School District Superintendent and inform him/her of these laws. Inform him/her that if the records are not provided you will be forced to sue, in Civil Court, for damages. You will, in addition to suing the school district, sue the principal and the superintendent - as individuals. Not because you want to, but the legal system requires you to pursue such action when organizations and individuals do not comply with the law. Do not be afraid to exercise your rights to take an active part in your child(ren) lives.

In addition, write a letter to the school principal informing him/her of your intent to view your child(ren) school records. Inform him/her of the applicable Federal and State laws guaranteeing you of this right. Inform him of your intent to sue him/her (personally) and the school district if he/she fails to comply with your request. Send copies to the School District Superintendent and the Court.

Become involved. Call the teacher. Ask for parent / teacher conferences. Attend PTA Meetings, Volunteer to participate in school activities. VOLUNTEER to be a 'room father.' Show your child(ren) and the school that you are a caring, loving parent, Don't give them a reason to consider you a part-time parent.

Fathers for Equal Rights (FER) has compiled a list of those things your attorney should be working toward in your divorce or modification. Those items with an asterisk (* ) beside them are MUST-HAVE items. This is not to say that other considerations are not important, but gaining those with an asterisk by them is of utmost importance. WARNING: This is simply a checklist and does not cover all of the issues of your divorce or court action. For additional information and explanations, please obtain the FER Report on the subject covered. Call or come by our offices for further assistance.

Joint Managing Conservatorship: This means you will still be a 'managing conservator' after the divorce. (See §153.131 of the Texas Family Code.) This is allowed even though she does not agree. Try to avoid the designation of a 'primary residence' for the children, but if the Court is so inclined, ask that it be your residence.

Establish the county of residence (domicile) of the child(ren). Do not allow either parent to have the right to decide 'domicile'. This can be written in simple language along the lines of, 'The county of residence of the child of XXX county until altered by further order of the court.' This language is referred to repeatedly in the Family Code.

If you have 'visitation' you must ask for the right to pick up the child(ren) at school on Friday and return them to school on Monday. This is your right under §153.317 of the Texas Family Code. If your job does not permit this, then you can choose to pick them up at day care or elsewhere after school school, their mother will be working also and will face the same problem. You should also have the right to pick them up at school on Wednesdays. You should try to gain the right to keep them overnight on Wednesday. Ask for the right to phone them at least 3 days a week: Specify the time and days. This is not provided for in the code but you have the right to request it.

Insist on 'Pick-up , Pick-up' for exchanges that do not occur at school or day care. This simply means that you ho to her house to pick up the child(ren) when a neutral site is not possible and she comes to your house to retrieve them at the end of your possession period. Do NOT agree to pick the kids up at her house and return them there. §153.316(1)(3A).

If the court orders a social study, have your attorney ask that it be performed according to the minimum guidelines established by the Texas Department of Human Services (TDHS) Note: TDHS will not perform the study. They only set the standards.

Mediation should be a part of every divorce agreement, even if you do not receive joint managing conservatorship. The name of a specific mediation center should be incorporated into your petition/decree with the stipulation that the parties (you and your ex-) will try to solve differences there before litigating the matter. A mediation provision is a must where you and your ex- share responsibilities as allowed under a joint conservatorship agreement. Refer to §153.0071 and §102.0085 of the Family Code for specific language.

If you pay child support and have lost your job or are making less money than you were when the support amount was set by the court, you must IMMEDIATELY go to the Attorney General or your private attorney and ask that your order be modified to reflect your present ability to pay. Your old rate will continue until you do so and it cannot be adjusted retroactively. You may ask the court to establish and rearrange payment for any accrued support due obligee. Your local FER chapter can help you with this. Contact your local chapter immediately.

Before the Trial

DO THIS:

1. Admit to yourself that you have problem in obtaining a just divorce.
2. Close out joint accounts and cancel credit cards and charge accounts.
3. Make sure that your wife and her attorney cannot get your financial records, move them to the office.
4. Try for an out-of-court reasonable settlement.
5. Contact and join a Father Rights Organizations and ask their advice about choosing an attorney.
6. Determine what the lawyer fees will be before you hire him or her.
7. If you have children, make sure that they understand that you are not divorcing them.
8. Keeps a written record of all events pertinent to the divorce: Names, dates, etc.
9. Rent a P.O. box for all your mail that you want to keep private.
10. Ask yourself which parent would be best for the children.
11. Tone down your life-style during the divorce process.
12. Learn about your case and your judge so that you can ''help'' your lawyer do a better job for you in court.

DON'T DO THIS:

1. Move out of the house unless ordered to do so by the court.
2. Forget that you, too, have Constitutional rights.
3. Tell your children horror stories about your ex-spouse. There is no need to drag them through the muck.
4. Use your spouse attorney to save money. You will only hurt yourself.
5. Use a lawyer who is negative about your case and the opportunity for Fathers gaining custody.
6. Leave all of your friends behind and become a hermit.
7. Discuss any proposed settlement with your wife's lawyer unless your lawyer is also present.
8. Avoid your children if you move out of the house.
9. Take your children with you unless you have planned in advance.
10. Rely solely upon psychologist or expert witnesses to win your case.
11. Buy a new car, boat, etc., or move in with a single woman.
12. Voluntarily pay for anything not in the court order. This will not win you any ''points''.

During the trial

DO THIS:

1. Attend ALL depositions, court sessions, etc. even if your attorney tells you there is no need to come.
2. Obtain and keep ALL originals with copies going to your lawyer.
3. Get specific Visitation, if you do not get custody.
4. Claim tax exemption on the children that you are supporting.
5. Keep tabs on your and your wife's attorney fees and other costs.
6. Take a reasonable settlement at any point during the process.
7. Fight to keep the kids out of court and out of the middle.

DON'T DO THIS:

1. Sign any decree or waver unless and until you understand it fully and consult with your attorney.
2. Be afraid to change lawyers if your interests are not being met.
3. Panic if you lose temporary custody as is usually the fate of fathers.
4. Agree to alimony unless there are exceptional circumstances.
5. Agree to Child Support based solely on your income. You both owe support.
6. Agree to ALL medical bills without any strings attached.
7. Be neglectful of wills, trusts and insurance; change the benefactors, if you are not forbidden to by Court order.

After the Trial

DO THIS:

1. Fulfill your visitation rights and see your children regularly.
2. Obey the divorce order, even if your former spouse violates it.
3. Get specific Visitation, if you do not get custody.
4. Avoid your ex-spouse as much as possible; you cannot have her back.
5. Fight off sentimentality when dealing with your children.

DON'T DO THIS:

1. Review all the details of the decree with your children.
2. Be afraid to socialize, you are not a leper, you are just divorced.
3. Be overly possessive of your children, they need adjustment time.
4. Agonize over mistakes during the trial, forgive yourself.
5. Confront your ex-wife or in-laws, do come to a working understanding.

Understand & Know Your Own Limitations

Are you in the early stages of a divorce or custody case, child support dispute or paternity case? Or, maybe you are in the middle of what seems like an endless, bitter litigation. Are you facing false accusations of domestic violence or child abuse? Have you finally figured out that our legal system is not designed to protect your fathers' rights or your childrens' rights? If you are like most fathers you are probably asking, "Do fathers have any rights?" "Does anyone care about me?" "How can I protect my precious children?" "Where do I go for the answers?"

Learning about your Fathers Rights can be a good example for your children. Trusting the professionals to educate you about the law, your rights, and ins and outs of family and divorce code in your state is a positive way to begin or possibly finally end an ongoing process on a good note. Don't make the mistake of thinking that uncle Lou is an expert in law because he went through a divorce three years ago. As a father in a divorce or custody battle, you must know your rights and what your options are. If you don't, you will be unable to recognize if your own attorney is performing properly, or agree to a settlement that will result in years of frustration. Ignorance is your worst enemy.

Sadly, too many dads come into our offices when their cases are out of control. They put too much trust in themselves, their attorney, or worse, their spouse's attorney. It may be too late to turn a horror story around. We have found that dads who are pre-armed with proper information, planning, and support, can often achieve the initiative in their cases. This may mean the difference between having custody of your children or visiting with them 3 or 4 days a month.

Joining a local fathers' rights group, if one is available, is one way to be informed. Your rights and obligations depend largely on individual state laws. Nevertheless, there are also a number of books written on the topic, many available through our own Fathers for Equal Rights store. An excellent introduction is Fathers' Rights (Perseus Books, 1998) by attorney Jeffery M. Leving with Kenneth A. Dachman. This book traces every aspect of the custody process from the courts to therapists' couches, using real-life examples. Purchase it through our Fathers for Equal Rights store. Knowledge is power. Even if you have a Ph.D., this book will give you a great start on your "Doctor of Divorce" degree; the most important degree you are likely to possess. You will also find helpful information on Fathers' Rights by clicking on the links listed on the topic sections on the right and the left. If you don't see what you are looking for, visit our contact page and send a personal note. We try to answer all e-mail requests promptly.

You can order any book imaginable through our Fathers for Equal Rights bookstore . As an affiliate of Barnes and Noble, the National Fathers' Resoucre Center gets a small but sigificant rebate from Barnes and Noble whenever you make a purchase through our NFRC link. Making all of your book purchases through our bookstore is one important way that you, your family, and your friends can provide vital support for the fathers' rights movement. Thank you for helping to educate yourself and put into practice being a great example for your children about the value of learning.